Oh it's that most wonderful time of the year!
Christmas, fulfilled with gifts, love and excitement to have time off work.
I once spent a Christmas in Oregon with my mums friends she met whilst she lived out in the states and they go mad for Christmas. It was really magical. They do everything so properly over there. I mean, Santa's now look so unrealistic with their fake ass beards and the minimal fat content they possess in their body and they just look like a crack addict wearing a santa suit in the UK. Over there , they employ guys that look the part, real beards, actually old and a classy santa suit with a more deeper and richer red appearance, that convinced you he was the real deal.
Any way, I had spoken to Dad about Christmas and what he usually does. He told me that my sister would visit on Christmas Eve so that's their personal time to get to see each over the holidays. He emphasised how excited he gets at this time of the year and how he's like a big kid!
Dad- I need your address. What is it?
I was thinking this must have some sort of association with sending me a card for Christmas and I felt so excited by this. Tiny little detailed things mean the world to me.
My mum was incredible and giving me the most thoughtful gifts. She really put every effort and thought into ensuring I felt really special and loved. That was something she always really focused on in her life was making sure I felt loved and valued. She never failed me on that.
Have you seen Honey the dance movie? She wears a gold necklace that has her name on it and when I was around the age of 12 when I really loved the movie, I couldn't help but want one too, never thinking it could be possible to get one or assume they were really expensive to get hold of, but I remember speaking to mm about it (She was a jeweller). It was my 16th Birthday and I had a real crappy year in relation to stress with exams, having my first heart break, finishing high school, anxiety attacks, all the hormonal stresses that comes with being 16 anyway... My mum bought my a gold necklace with my name on it and I just cried and cried and cried because I had wanted it for so long and never thought I would get something like this. Still to this day I wear it.
My mum when I was around the age of one got me a locket with her picture in too, I still have this in my jewellery box. She would also contain a 'special box' where she would keep everything throughout my life she felt necessary to keep. Within the special box would be things like my first designer clothing when I was one I had a pair of Ralph Lauren skort, my first birthday card, my poster I made when I was 10 of me and my friends, my diary from when I was 8, certificates from school, my favourite teddy bear-her name was Jade, my first valentine received (from my mum lol), my favourite doll and you get the idea. Over the years she has packed away everything important from growing up. She was awesome.
I gave my Dad my address. I then started to think what I could do to make my first Christmas card to him special or sentimental. Right now- the thing I knew what he loved the most was candy. I could remember vaguely we made an 'unofficial' pack to exchange candy of what was our favourite. I knew there was certain candy we had that Dad in the states might not have. Millions, Moam, bubblegum squashies. I'll send them over.
I remember buying them and taking them into my old place of work to wrap up on my lunch hour. Scott (use to work with me/train me) came over to deliver the day's paperwork to me to sort through.
Scott- OOO sweets.
Me- Yeah, I got them for Dad for Christmas
Scott- You might wanna send them over soon, Christmas is 6 weeks away and you might get delays.
Me- Yeah , very good point.
Scott- Also sweets will get held up in customs. Why don't you do a timeline of your life or something?
What a great idea. I could put together some book to highlight little bits of my life. Like tell a story in pictures maybe so he can get an idea what I got up to growing up. He would like that.
Me- Great Idea, I'm going to do it, but need to get a shift on with the time frame I'm working with.
I needed to look into old photo albums, scroll back hundreds of pictures on instagram,look on my old laptop to retrieve photos. I told mum what I was doing and if she could help me with baby photos and photos of me growing up. The sad truth was back in those days disposable cameras and processing of the images were real pricey and mum only had a handful of baby photos. But I felt it was enough to give Dad an idea of what I looked like as a child.
You know it's pretty crazy that my dad hasn't seen what I look like as a baby or a child, or witnessed me growing up, but that's all fine because, that is exactly what I was going to do in this scrap book, so he could see, so he felt like he didn't really ever miss out.
Ok so. Christmas present for Dad.
Candy, scrap book of my life to date and ... I KNOW!
Ok so I discovered my Dad is a huge Chelsea FC TILL I DIE sort of fan. So, why not request the football club to give him maybe signed merchandise or a letter personalised to him? Yeah. I'll do that.
So I did, I wrote to Chelsea FC explaining my situation and how I feel important it is that I could give a gift like this to him for our first Christmas together (but not physically together) but knowing each other, together.
They approved! And they said they will get it to him before Christmas. This is amazing. i was so excited, I couldn't wait to see his reaction (via text) for when he gets it!
As Weeks went on I made my scrapbook and collected lots of photographs of me and noted down the events in my life that had the most impact.
BEING BORN
LEARNING TO WALK
MY FIRST WORD
ENCEPHALITIS AND BEING IN A COMA
LEARNING TO WALK AND TALK AGAIN DUE TO THE ENCEPHALITIS
NAME CHANGE
WHAT I LIKE E.G DANCING LIKE A LOON, SWEETS,HOT HOLIDAYS, FALL OUT BOY
WHAT I DON'T LIKE E.G SPIDERS, HOT AND SPICEY FOODS, RAINY DAYS
GOT STUCK IN A HURRICANE IN MEXICO
MY BROTHER THEO WAS BORN
SCHOOL TRIP ABROAD
ATTENDING HIGH SCHOOL
MY CHILD HOOD BEST FRIEND GOT A BRAIN TUMOUR
FINDING OUT MY PEN PAL TOOK HIS OWN LIFE
DOING MY GCSES
MY CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND TUMOUR WAS REMOVED
PROM
A LEVELS
DECIDING UNI IS NOT FOR ME
MEETING WILL
GETTING CARBON MONOXIDE POISONING
APPRENTICESHIP
MEETING MY LONG LIFE BEST FRIEND JESS
FIRST CAR
GETTING PNEUMONIA (SAME TIME AS DAD-WEIRD)
PASSED MY DRIVING TEST
GAINING APPRENTICESHIP QUALIFICATION AS A DENTAL NURSE
FELL OUT WITH MY STEP DAD AND GOT KICKED OUT
RENTED MY FIRST HOUSE
GRANDAD PASSED AWAY
GOT ENGAGED
GOT OUR FIRST DOG MAUI
LEFT DENTAL NURSING BECAUSE I FELL COMPLETELY OUT OF LOVE WITH IT AND DIDN'T FEEL APPRECIATED BY MY EMPLOYER.
JOB HOPPED TO FIND HAPPINESS WITHIN MY CAREER
BOUGHT MY FIRST HOUSE
GOT OUR SECOND DOG MOWGLI.
REACHING OUT AND FINDING DAD FOR THE FIRST TIME.
MY FRIEND HANNAH PASSED AWAY WHO HAD FORT CANCER FOR OVER A DECADE
BOOKING AMERICA.
FACETIMED DAD FOR THE FIRST TIME
MUM DIVORCING STEP DAD
and that's it so far. - I also put in around 4 CDS I made full of all my favourite music so he can listen to the kind of music I like. I also put a note in there that "No matter how old she will be, a girl will always need her Dad". It shows you that even though Dad hasn't been in my life for 21 years, now , at this moment in time, I need him and will always want him to be there. I now can say I rely on my Dad more than ever before. He is great.
I finished the scrap book. It looked like a eight year old had put the scrap book together because it was so creative but yeah. lol
Sent it off along with the candy. A whole £25 later for just some candy and a scrap book. The postage cost more than the content.
A few weeks passed and it was getting closer to Christmas and dad had posted on his instagram photographs of his letter and photos that Chelsea Football Club has sent them, thanking them for recognising he is a die hard fan and supported them forever and is appreciated and feel honoured for receiving this.
I face timed him.
Dad- Hey baby girl!
Me- Hi Dad, you know how you got all that stuff from Chelsea Football Club right?
Dad- Sure, they recognised me from all my posts and noticed I am a huge fan by everything I post online about them so they sent it to me.
I just laughed so hard that he thought this is how he got this kind gesture of a letter with signed photographs.
Me- no dad, It was me, i wrote to them requesting this.
Dad- NO WAY ! THAT IS AWESOME! YOU DID THAT FOR ME?
I really laughed Me- Yes dad, they aren't stalking or tracking you posting about them it was me who wrote to them!
Dad- Thank you so much for that baby girl, that is so awesome! I love it! I did think , how do they know I am a Chelsea supporter!
He really laughed aswell.
It meant alot to me how much of he thought alot of it and how much it meant to him. Little things like that go a long way and mean the most.
Weeks passed and it was a few days before Christmas.
I came home to see a brown parcel on the table.
When I opened up the card to read it, I just cried. You will never know how much the words meant to me. "we love you so much sweetheart can't wait to meet you". That hard lump formed in my throat where I tried to hold back the tears, I was so happy I just wanted to cry and cry. It's the only way to explain it.
I felt really loved and valued by Dad. And accepted. Thank you for that. Thank you for accepting me back into your life and introducing me to your family- you'll never know how much that means to me. Being accepted is just ... incredible , to be loved... well that's just magical.
To the people that can have both of their parents with them during the holidays or get to see each one. You are really lucky and never take it for granted. Both my parents mean the entire world to me, my mum was awesome during my upbringing and always put 100% effort into me.
I can see so far, Dad has also put his 100% effort into me also, I cannot fault him and I am so happy to finally feel loved by my Dad. He gives me nothing but time, and that is all I have ever asked for. Time. Thank you Dad. Love you always.