As we entered the new year and February past I was speaking with my Dad almost every hour of the day. He was making so much effort with me and called pretty much all the time. It was so incredible that he wanted to talk to me.
Dad was going through a pretty rough time and he felt like his entire world was collapsing. He said harsh things about himself and was cruel about the way he was and truly , he didn't deserve to say those remarks. Things for him was tough and all I could do was be there for him and tell him it was all going to be okay in the end. I know I couldn't fix his problems at the time but I knew what I could do was support and be there for him during the difficult times. He would call me for advice and ask me what to do or what I would do. That's always been the case, people young and old (older sorry), that have approached me for advice, I never know why either because, I feel useless at taking advice so no idea how I can give it. But I guess it's just because I really am there for them and just listen and reassure.
You know when you hate seeing your mum or dad hurt or cry? I felt this already with Dad. It upset me that he was so down and hurting. I can remember seeing my mum so many times in sadness and it was one of the worst feelings in the world and you so wish you could take it all away. But there was also times where you could see happiness within them and that was a lovely feeling.
I will never forget the moment where I received a phone call from my step dad saying that my Grandad had died and I was the one to tell mum. I have never seen so much pain and hurt go through a person and It was so incredibly sad to see. We was on a hen due in Bath and mums best friend Tracey was there too which helped alot. I can remember not shedding a tear because when someone you love is hurting, you stay strong for them. That's all they need,
I can remember the text dad sent to me during his difficult time.
"I love u Kiddo, U have helped me more than u will ever know"
"I hate that I keep bothering U"
We should all be kind to eachother and support our loved ones because you never know when it could get snatched away from you. It's so important, family. If you don't have a great relationship with your family, then make your own, it doesn't need to be blood to be family.
Throughout the spring, dad was sending me some photographs of his home. And it was incredible and beautifully decorated. Grey everywhere. Modern with a twist of tropical. He has palm tree photographs, pineapple themed chairs and it was just a dream. I couldn't believe the stuff I obsessed over and loved was spread across Dad's home, we obviously had very similar taste.
My best friend Jess for my birthday knew how much I loved Pineapples and Palm trees so for my 21st birthday she got me a gold Pineapple Necklace, so to see the theming of Dads house made me so excited and happy. I couldn't wait to see it all in person.
So for work my dad is a full time banker. However he also has his own company that represents professional athletes. ASM Consulting- How crazy is that. So he gets to hang out and work with all these crazy NFL players, UFC fighters and also a country singer. That's the life!... He also decided to inform me that he has directed an upcoming movie along side an actress whom I cannot name or state what movie it was. And seeing his name labelled with it... was just surreal. But how crazy is that?! So cool. I loved discovering all these little things about my Dad. I felt he was a pretty cool Dad to have.
Anyway, it was a crazy time, I was job hopping because I wanted to ensure I could make enough money to do all nice things and have a nice house but I also was a great believer in enjoying the job you do and happiness means more than money. Within 2 years I dental nursed, reception, science technician and worked for an Offshore Market Intelligence company as an On-boarder. The crazy thing about all of this was I also got offered to do work with collecting peoples DNA for DNA tests and help people discover their biological parents and other things also. Was such an incredible offer but due to my commitments I couldn't accept it. How weird is it though I was going through this and a offer like that comes up! Weird.
APRIL
Mum was moving out of the house due to her divorce and she was collecting all her belongings from the loft where she found some photographs of the house her and dad lived at in Wrentham. There was also a photograph of my Grandma (Dad's mum). You could see how tiny she was. It was so crazy to think that Mum and Dad both were together once upon a time, and they lived together for a short while but I had never encountered him.
I couldn't even imagine them speaking to one another. I hoped that they could speak so Mum could see he is a good person now and that he's grown up and not the crazy wild guy she once knew. I knew deep down Mum was only ever trying to protect me and ensure I was never let down. She always gave me the option to meet him once I was 18 but I still never wanted too because I knew it would upset my step Dad - but after growing up through the years and not having a great relationship with him made me realise how important it is to have a great relationship with your kids and to make sure you always show them love and your time, money cannot do that. My mum always gave me the time and love, she was the best mum I could ask for. I just never got that with my step father and I'm sorry to say that. My mum however was like my best friend, she always was there, spent hours with me, taught me how to be kind and just always made sure I felt loved. She was incredible, done so much for me that I will forever be grateful for. You deserve a medal mum. You have been through some shit yet still kept your heart of gold.
Below is a photograph of where Mum and Dad once lived in Wrentham.
My Grandma and my Dad in the picture above.(slide across)
Unfortunately my Grandfather on my Dads side died a few years back.
I sent the photographs to Dad via what's app.
DAD- Where did you get those from?
ME- Mum sent them to me, she is clearing out the loft.
DAD- How did she send them?
ME- Through what's app, how come?
DAD- How do I add her on here?
WHAT. Are you kidding me. Dad wanted to speak to mum. Never in a million years I thought they would speak with one another, they left on such bad terms and I couldn't even imagine them having a civil conversation with one another.
ME- Mum, Dad want's to add you on what's app, can he have your number?
MUM- Yeah sure, I did try and contact him before, he must be ready now.
ME- Ok. Thank you so much mum, I love you.
I tried to ring Dad on what's app to explain that mum was happy for me to give him her number and his phone was engaged.
I tried to ring mum. Her phone was engaged.
It just clicked to me they were both on the phone to eachother...
I jumped out of the bath, trying not to break my neck from slipping over and called jess.
"Mum and Dad are on the phone to eachother! Can you believe they are talking, I wonder what they are saying? I hope they are nice to eachother? Do you think mum is being nice? Do you think Dad is being nice? Are they being kind to eachother?"
Minutes felt like hours and they seemed like they were speaking for ages.
As soon as mum's phone was no longer engaged I rang her again, and again, and again until she picked up.
"Mum! Did you just speak to Dad?"
She laughed and sounded surprised. " He's actually really nice now. He has definitely grown up, very different person now. I wanted to just say to him when she comes over make sure you don't let her down or stand her up, she is really excited to meet you"
It meant alot to me mum looking out for me, I know she had always been very over protective and it was just natural for a mother to worry, especially when the father hasn't been on the scene and all that is going through her head is worry. The phone call definitely reassured her and put her mind at ease.
" I know mum, I wouldn't bother if he wasn't a nice person! He is quite funny aswell! "
I could hear mum smiling down the phone. That sounds stupid doesn't it? But I honestly could hear it, and she spoke so positively. "He think's he's funny though, he kept laughing at his own jokes, that hasn't changed. But he is excited and he thanked me for raising you so well and apologised for the past and wants to make sure we are on better terms now!"
I was super happy I just stood there and cried, mum said "Why are you crying for? Are you happy?"
"I am so happy, you have no idea how much this means to me. Both my parents are speaking and are on civil terms, means the world to me. This is something I thought was impossible"
Sounds strange doesn't it? How something that seems minor to others can be a huge deal for someone else. To me, this was big news because they haven't came across eachother in 21 years.
DAD- It was good speaking to your mum, it was nice to clear the air. She said to me that your a pocket rocket if someone upsets you lol
I opened up the message and just felt enormous relief. It was a nice feeling knowing there was no tension or hard feelings anywhere down the line and I also wanted Dad to prove to Mum the sort of person he is at present not from his past.He is a good guy. A great one in fact.
A few days passed and I received a video call from Dad.
"HEY DAD! are you ok- whats up?!" ..
I looked at his face and his eyes were glassy and he looked broken.
"Hey kiddo, I don't know, there's a lump on my back and it's killing me, It's taking my breath away and hurting my chest and I just am in so much pain, I am going to go to the doctors"
Like I said earlier, when you see someone you love (that's what I felt already with dad, love) in pain, mentally or physically, it hurts you too, you just want to take it all away.
"Lets see it Dad"
He showed me the lump on camera. It was huge and swollen, red and look inflamed.
He came back from the doctors and called me again. He told me that he has been bitten my a brown recluse which is a type of spider that has necrotic venom. Basically, you don't want one of those near you! The bite frequently is not felt initially and may not be immediately painful, but it can be serious. The brown recluse bears a potentially deadly hemotoxic venom. The systemic symptoms most commonly experienced include nausea, vomiting, fever, rashes, and muscle and joint pain. Rarely, such bites can result in hemolysis, thrombocytopenia, disseminated intravascular coagulation, organ damage, and even death.
Ok so the last part is kind of dramatic lol, but how scary is it being told this is what has bitten you and you then done your research. So when you're petrified of SPIDERS and someone says 'it won't kill you', you can tell those bitches it can. (in some parts of the world anyway lol)
Dad was dosed up on antibiotics, anti-inflammatory's, antihistamines and topical cream. He was in alot of pain to the point it was taking his breath away. It sucked.
To take his mind off it, he went to his local restaurant Wileys BBQ Championship. They are ranked the 1# BBQ joint in the whole Georgia state. Dad knows a lot of locals and gets on super well with everybody. He was on video call and introduced me to some of the waitresses there and we use to spend almost hours talking, they would laugh at my accent and do impressions of how us English say things such as 'Water' or 'Queen Elizabeth' and 'Butter' things like that. It would really make me laugh until my tummy hurt. Skyla and Ashley were their names, they were awesome people. Really kind and welcoming when on video call. Dad said I could meet them when I go over to Georgia. That would be cool, to see how people live and work, that's what I was really excited about, to see how they live their lives. They always seemed so happy and energetic, like they had an endless supply of energy that would never run out. I loved it.
Dad would speak to people on videocall and say " Hey this is my daughter from England , say hey" and just appeared really proud to tell people about me. " She's coming over in May and I will meet her for the very first time!",
All the people dad bumped into and came across really made an effort and was very positive people. It puts us to shame because I feel us as English can be very harsh and quick to judge, there is not many of us that would be so friendly and kind to new people. That's why I love America so much because, they just are so friendly and happy people, no bitchiness, no rudeness, no judgements , just nice people. It refreshing to be around.
I couldn't believe how rapidly the time was approaching to our trip. To actually meet one another in the flesh for the very first time. It's just mind blowing.
My Dad had introduced me to his girlfriend Melinda a few months back and she was just a ray of sunshine with the kindest heart. She was on videocall to me and she was saying how excited she was to meet me and Will and kept saying how much fun we were all going to have. It was so incredible how accepting Melinda was and how much of a kind heart she had. It meant the world to me and made me super excited to meet her also. I couldn't wait.
Dad showed me around her house (virtually) and It was absolutely incredible. It was like your dream house, imagine that, your dream house. That was Melinda's house. It was absolutely unreal. It was all open planned, with an enormous drive, swimming pool, immaculate decor with a modern nautical theme and patio doors and a pool and even a jetti! It was just wow. I couldn't wait to see it all in real life and actually be there.
That's the thing aswell, you couldn't actually believe that you would be there, in a place like that. And you couldn't even imagine living there with that kind of place.
Fun fact. You know Baywatch the movie? You will watch being in and around Melinda's old house in that movie. Pretty cool right?
Oh and also Will Smith was filmed in her old house too. Pretty cool I guess.
In Georgia it's a tax free state on movies therefore they have made and are making so many movies there especially in Savannah as its very beautiful. The new movie Gemini with Will Smith in was filmed in Savannah. Just for the record...
But yeah. Life out there seemed pretty sweet and it was literally weeks before leaving the UK to travel 4,202 miles to meet my other family for the very first time...