Synchronicity

Synchronicity. What does it mean? Synchronicity means events that are "meaningful coincidences" if they occur with no causal relationship yet seem to be meaningfully related. This is something I was about to encounter whilst speaking with my biological dad as there was no way of us knowing what we were about to speak about as we had never spoken to each other before. Now some of the synchronicity I am about to tell you may be less like a co-incidence in your eyes however, for me , even the littlest of things seemed like a big co-incidence.

25th September still and the what's app convo is being continued.

Dad- I sent grandma the pic of you and Will

Me- What did she say?

Dad- I sent it to my sister to show her. They are probably absorbing it right now They are an hour behind me in time. They live in Texas so my sister is probably still working.

Dad has a sister,I had an auntie. Another discovery. It was going to be a huge shock for Dad's side of the family when they find out about me, I am not entirely sure if they are going to accept me or what they think. Like I said I am a complete stranger to them. I do want to discover my family, and I do want to explore more of Dad's side if that is a possibility but all I could think of is rejection and how they might not want me in their lives. Your mind begins to wander. What are they going to think? Wonder what they said to Dad when he told them about me? Do they want to meet me? Blah blah blah.

Me- Maybe that's why I love listening to country music.

Dad- I like Luke Bryan, Kenny Chesney and Cole swindell to name a few.

Now. You guys (unless you love country music like me) wont know who these are because country music in the UK isn't really a thing. But I love it for some unknown reason and I cannot tell you how I discovered it, I was young and just came across Luke Bryan on youtube and played his songs over and over again. My mum over heard and walked in to ask me who was playing and I told her "Luke Bryan, why?"

Mum had smiled at me and said "I use to listen to artists like this all the time when I lived over in the states"

And from then on, it made me feel , I dont know? Good? Happy? I loved the music , it was like home, not in the physical state home like you know that comfortable mental state home, in your head.

Me and my dad liked the same music. It was very rare for people close to me to like the same music as it is so different. Whenever we go to Florida we tune in and listen to the country radio. Makes me feel so content and happy.

Dad- I saw Luke last year. He went to Georgia Southern University. Thats 45 minutes from me. One of my athletes went there at the same time as Luke.

Now this is what I mean by you might not feel it is not an exciting co-incidence but for someone else to like that music as much as I do is a big deal to me. But how crazy one of Dad's athletes went to the same uni as Luke Bryan. Crazy. But it get's crazier.

Dad sent me a photograph

Dad- My ride.

Me-Awesome I love trucks.

Dad- I love my truck

Me- I love trucks too, always wanted one.

Me- Actually Do you know what my absolute dream car is?

Dad- What is it?

Me- A Jeep wrangler. Would love to have one of those.

Dad- M****** Has one of those. I bought it for her 16th bday present

What is going on right now.

Are you kidding me.

This is just crazy, beyond crazy.

Synchronicity.

My car I have dreamed of since I was around the age of 5, always joked with the surgeon I use to work with that I was going to buy one from auto trader and seeing them in the states and shouting out "Look my dream car", I just cant express my love for a car. Can you actually believe it though, my sister had it, she deserved it too, she and my Dad seemed pretty close, and by from what Dad had told me, she works super hard in school and in her part time job. She is a really good kid. This is just crazy. Out of all the cars in the world. Incredible. Amazing. It made me so happy.

I think my whole fascination stemmed from being at the fair ground once and you know those car rides that has a selection of different cars you can ride in? I always went into the Barbie jeep safari one. Always. Mum when I was younger use to make one also for me out of a cardboard box and I use to pretend I was driving through the jungle in my jeep. My imagination was crazy when I was younger. My mum was so creative with things like that.

My mum also bought me one Christmas a 'Barbie explorer and jeep safari' doll set , and I loved it so much I didn't want to take it out of the packaging. (That's weird isn't it) My mum would look at me in confusion and say " Do you not like it Shawnie?"

and of course I loved it, I just wanted to "Save it for best" (I am not sure why I did that now looking back, I guess I wanted it to keep its value? I don't really know). But I loved it that much I wanted it on display in my bedroom and for it to be untouched.

My mum also once bought me "Barbie Jeep Safari" Game on PS1. It was how she explored the world in her jeep safari. I just played it through pure imagination it was me. I loved it.

I told my friends.

"You never guess what. My sister actually has my dream car."

" No, That is just crazy. I can't believe it, how weird is that, you both have the same dream car and she actually has one, that's is so cool. I find it all so weird how much of a co-incidence it is"

"I know, can you imagine if we ever meet up and she took me out in it"

They aughed and agreed it could be pretty cool.

Now another thing you should know about me. I am a fussy eater, always have been. It all started off when I got encephalitis when I was young, I got really sick and had to be induced into a coma, after endless amounts of tests, wiring up and lumba punctures it was clear that the swelling on my brain was critical and was not looking promising with regards to my survival.

Now you might be thinking WTF is Encephalitis, it's basically swelling of the brain.

Encephalitis is rare neurological condition and affects approximately 4,000 people in the UK each year. Only certain viruses have the capability to affect the nerves and gain access to the central nervous system (the brain and spinal cord).

So What on earth happened? How did it all start?

Well I developed sickness and diarrhoea symptoms and my mum had assumed it was a sickness bug. My symptoms were getting progressively worse and my mum was getting more and more concerned. She phoned the doctor to get me in which they offered her an appointment the next day and that's the best they could do. My temperature was climbing high and my mum was getting more and more concerned.

The night came in and I was feeling more and more unwell. My mum had put me to bed early and she also went to bed early as the doctors appointment was in the morning. She all of a sudden heard a large 'thud' to then she ran to my bedroom and I was laying on the floor, she noticed that I was covered in shit. It was everywhere and not to mention I had wet the bed too, total water failure. Everything was just starting to fail as my temperature climbed.

She cradled me up and took me downstairs to be bathed and she went to place me down onto my tiny feet and I kept collapsing. There was no strength in my legs , they remained immobile and I was unresponsive.

My mum said in a gentle voice " Come on sweetheart , stand up for mummy, we need to get you bathed and cleaned ". My head flopped back , dead weight and my eyes rolled back into my head. My mum said it was like a scene from a horror movie.

All of a sudden my body went intensely stiff and rigid, then I began to violently convulse, I was having a tonic-clonic seizure.

My mother was obviously extremely upset at the sight of this and called an ambulance immediately.

While she as on the phone to the ambulance, my breathing had stopped and I was appearing blue in colour. My mum cried out on the phone" She isn't breathing , she's not breathing, please hurry"

They talked her through everything and reassured it was going to be ok.

I was escorted from my home to the hospital and had to be resuscitated. Upon arrival they then began to do the tests to determine what on earth was going on with my body.

After CT scans, blood work, lumberpunctures it had revealed I had contracted a virus that attacks the brain known as 'Encephalitis'

Despite the high intensive care unit, it still possess a high mortality rate and being so young, this is something I was at risk more so of dying from.

The doctors had told my mum to prepare for the worst and to start getting as much family in to see me as they can as days are being counted as blessings. It was a hard time , especially for my mum, being told by a doctor that your child who hasn't walked this earth for too many years might be taken away. It was a daunting and sad thought. It was completely out of everyone's control whether I was going to be okay or not.

After being medically induced into a coma for a week , they had seen some improvements and the swelling was reducing. They warned my mother that the chance of survival was still pretty slim, had increased, but still slim and if I was to survive, there was a high chance I would be in a vegetable state due to the damage the inflammation would have caused on parts of my brain and that it was deprived of oxygen during my seizures.

Weeks had passed and It was a miracle, I was getting better and I wasn't in a vegetable state however they informed my mother on things that she should know about. ..

"You'll need to teach her how to talk and walk again and she may suffer with her memory slightly, but other than that, she has came out as a miracle, she is going to be fine! "

It was amazing. I am very forgetful at times, but people don't notice it being bad, most think it's at a normal level.

I could remember my childhood best friend,Ellie, bringing me dressing up shoes, malteasers and jam donuts and everyone else even people I didn't really recognise coming to visit. It's quite amazing I still remember to be honest. I could also remember there was a nurse that put on some sort of activity for all the children in the hospital. She got us to hold an oxygen mask and was speaking about it. I was sat on my mum's lap and refused to even touch it or look at it. I hated hospitals they scared the crap out of me. Even though they helped me and allowed me to be here today, they still make me feel funky.

People ask "What's it like being in a coma?" Honestly. I can't really remember, I was so young, just like being asleep but being aware of my surroundings. Like you could just hear what was going on but that's it. That's only the real way to describe how I felt. I don't really remember to much to be honest, just snippets of flashbacks like the lumba puncture and how I had wires up my nose and every-time I wanted to eat my coco pops the milk would fire up into the tube and straight into my nose, it was gross.

After I was out of my coma I lost all my confidence in eating. Since coming out, I developed a fear of food and vomiting. Everything was making me feel sick and I didn't want any food to come near my mouth because I felt like it was going to come hurling back up.

It took time and dedication from my mum to get me to eat properly again. For a long time I lived on donuts because that's the only thing I would eat and I needed to be the weight on. I loved and still love dohnuts, my god they are good. I have alot to thank my mum for, she protected me when I was most in need of protection. I was fussy for alot of years , I wasn't really "experimental" with my foods

When we went to the states in 2016 I tried snow crab for the first time and fell in love with the food. It's quite weird actually because I don't really like fish that much but I love the sea food..

Dad- I love southern cooked food.

Me- Mee toooo I love deep fried shrimp, I live off that when we go to florida.

Dad- I love steamed shrimp crab legs.

Me- I love crab meat , it's amazing.

Dad- King crab

Im smiling eat to eat you know

Me- Me too!

Dad- Have you ever realized that you're half american. Its a good thing.

Me- LOL. Dad I am going to have to go to bed, I am so tired.

Dad- Goodnight Sweetheart.

Wednesday 26th September.

I felt nervous. I don't know why. I just kind of was worried it was all a dream and that was it. We spoke for a while and then that would be it. I was just so scared of being dropped. It's a thing that I am still so worrisome about, is just being left, people leaving me. I don't want anyone from my life to go.

How very wrong I was.

Dad- Good Morning

Me- MORNING!! :D I am so so happy you messaged.

Dad- LOL, I said I would. Still not wiped the sleep from my eyes.

This just meant the world to me. I was one of the first thing he thought about in the morning. Do you know how amazing that feels to be someone's priority first thing in the morning? I just felt really treasured already. I could not express how happy this made me. It was crazy we were five hours time difference apart. It was actually the afternoon here in the UK and he had just woken up.

Me- Do you have to drive far to work.

Dad- 12 minutes.

Now I know it seems like I am trying to make links, but these were little things that would pop into my head. When I lived in Kessingland it use to take me 12 minutes to get to work.

Now going back to the food. I told you I was fussy. I am absolute fajita lover, i just love them so much. I also love Italian food, that's probably one of my favourites, love pasta and pizza, could live of it for the rest of my life. Also I am really bad with sugar. I am almost a borderline sugar addict.

I am starting to think it's a problem. Sweets are my downfall. I cannot go a day without having something sweet. I am not a huge fan of chocolate but sweets like those little watermelons with sour sugar on and Mike and ikes , bon bons, those bubblegum mushrooms, tangfastic....

I also have three heaped sugars in my tea. Yup. Three. You think that's bad when I was 15 it use to be six, then I went to the dentist and they told me it was a real problem and needed to cut down. My mum insisted I cut down. So I did, to three. I have cut down again once, but it doesn't taste the same, it starts to taste abit gross, probably because I am so use to the sweet but still. I also do not drink alcohol or if I do very minimal amounts.

I am 21 years of age ,and I don't drink alcohol..

Me- Whats your favourite foods?

Dad- I love fajitas, sushi and Italian food. A sucker for seafood. I love candy, I drink sweet tea alot. I don't Drink alcohol.

Dad - I have about 6 teaspoons of sugar in my sweet tea

Me- You'll give yourself a heart attack lol.

It's crazy also my dad doesn't like to drink alcohol, he likes pretty much the exact same food as me.

I sent him a video compilation of me making my friend Holly at my old work jump and her reactions to it.

Dad- your a jokestar, I love it, I do the same at work. I am a big kid.

For those who know me well, you will know I am a big kid and I am annoying with it. Love winding people up and joking around.

Dad- So you love Disney movies?

Me- Yeah I love Disney Movies.

Dad- In a few minutes I'll shoot you a little sneak peak of something and I will tell you what is is!

What could it be!?

Me- Er. I can't really work it out dad.

Dad- They are filming Lady and the Tramp in front of my work. They film alot of films in Savannah. I met Zac Efron and Shia Labeouf whilst filming

Dad sends another pic

Can you see dad in the background?

Dad- that's my assistant, if you zoom in between us ,you can see me. lol

Wow my dad has met Zac Efron and Shia Labeouf.

Dad- Breakfast for today.

Remember I told you my love for dohnuts?

Me - Looks tasty, I love dohnuts,

Dad- Me too it's my downfall, what you doing later?

Me- I'm going kickboxing

Dad- KICKBOXING?

Me- Yes, its just the exercise part my heart rate is really quick. At rest so I need to do intense exercise lol

Now quick background story, about four years ago right before I went to America I developed pneumonia and got really sick. I was bed ridden and could barely move I was so unwell, I hope I never feel that way ever again,if i breathed in I would get this horrible bubbling sensation in my chest. Now, when I went to the doctors they took my pulse rate which measured to 145 BPM the doctor said "This is really bad! Does your heart race this fast normally?!"

I had no idea if I am being honest, I can't really feel it going fast. She was worrying me So i just responded with "No?"

"Oh thank goodness, it must just be because you have a infection"

How reassuring of her. lol

My mum was with me at the time because I could barely lift my own body weight, I felt like I wanted to collapse, it was a horrible feeling, I couldn't breathe properly and just couldn't even smell anything or taste. I was breathing out of my mouth and I sounded like darth vader.

The doctor was Polish and she was quite angry and shouted at me " Do you realise how unwell you are, you should have seen someone sooner. This is not good. I am going to have to write to the hospital so they can admit you for IV antibiotics, you are not good"

Panic was going through my mind, it was only 2-3 weeks before going to America and I was so desperate to go , it was my first time of going, I wasn't going to allow this to get in the way.

My mum looked at the doctor and said " Is there no way of here just resting at home with antibiotics she has paid alot of money to go away.

The doctor frowned at me and my mum "Where are you going?"

I said clearly my throat and coughing " The states, please I have paid alot to go there and I need to go, I promise I will rest and take the antibiotics"

She sighed under her breath " Ok. But you will need two lots, this one course will not resolve your case, your left lung has an obstruction and has collapsed and this is really serious, the fluid on your lungs is bubbly, really nasty"

I just burst into tears due to relief" Thank you , I promise I will rest"

And she raised her voice one more " And you come back immediately if you feel worse, this is on your head not mine if you are not getting better, I told you to go to hospital ok"

Dad- Mine beats fast. But I collapsed about 5 years ago. My left lung gave out. M**** Found me on the ground at home, but im btr.

Now Synchronicity is happening again. That shit is crazy. We had pneumonia around the same time, and the same lungs appeared to have the problems.

Dad- I was in hospital for 10 days. Very painful.

Me- They wanted to put me in hospital but I refused , I am tough lol.

Dad- Guess I'm a pussy.

Me- Guess so lol

Dad - Lol

We then went onto speaking about Movies.. I am the type of Movie person that adores comedies and just like an easy watch, I do like Movies like inception but just prefer comedies. I love Vince Vaughn, I always use to quote movie lines. My favourite all time movie is probably couples retreat. Love that. I love all comedy movies like Click, Horrible Bosses, The Internship, The Break-up, 50 first dates,Grown ups, Kingsman, Deadpool, Were the millers ... you get it.

Turns out, Dad's favourite movie genre is that too. I expected him to be more of an action movie kind of guy.

Dad- I love comedy alot. HORRIBLE BOSSES, HANGOVERS, DEAD POOL

I listed all the movies that I loved and quoted some film quotes to see I feel he could identify which movie it was from...

Dad- Couple's retreat when that dude pulls down his swimming trunks, now we have a party... I quote movie lines alot.

We were so similar I just couldn't believe it, I wondered where my weirdness came from.

Dad- Sent picture of a car he use to have

It appeared really familiar , like I had seen the car before. It was vintage and absolutely stunning. It just came to me like a light had switched on.

Me- I went to prom in that car.

Coincidence.

Me- Do you like rides?

Dad- Sort of?

Me- SORT OF? Why don't you like them?

Dad- Motion sickness.

Wow. This is something I have suffered for since I was young. Even being in the back seat of a car. I always have to be in the front if not I will probably vomit. I have to be careful on simulator rides because during them I feel so sick and just have to hold it together. I remember when I was young and down the seafront I went on a simulator for the red arrows and puked everywhere. I also went on the waltzers at a fair when I was around 14 and came off feeling so unwell, it was horrendous. Being on trains I am quite sensitive to and being on slow rocky boats , blurgh. I am done.

My mum was pretty good with things like that, never phased her at all, motion sickness never really affected her. So this is what I had in common with my Dad.

Dad- Yeah I also don't like spiders or curry.

Hm I also hate spiders and don't like curry. I will only eat a coconut based curry if I really have too otherwise, it's not too nice.

I was so happy in this little bubble, I didn't want this feeling to end. I was so excited still and so speechless, I couldn't even put into words to you how I was feeling. The world just froze. It was such an unusual but lovely feeling. It felt like the missing piece to my life had been filled.

I just was hit with this wall of tension which was reality. I needed to tell Mum. I don't know when, not now because she was on holiday and didn't want her to worry but I needed to tell her.

I wouldn't say I was dreading telling her because that's not what I felt, whatever my mum's response was going to be , I was not going to stop speaking to my Dad, I just wanted to make sure she understood why I wanted to do it and she could accept it. I had a gut feeling she would be okay, but obviously you have some uncertainty.

I asked more and more questions about Dad and his life. I was so intrigued.

I found out that he has a Girlfriend and he spends a lot of time at hers. He likes Colton James and he has met him a few times. He represents athletes and works in a bank.

It's quite unbelievable really, this whole experience isn't it? How you can go your whole life not knowing who your real Dad is and then boom you find him and it's life changing. When I was told by mum about my real dad being out there, I wasn't fussed because I didn't think he wanted me around. But time is a remarkable thing.

Me- I'm going to tell mum when she's home from holiday (This weekend)

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